Thursday, February 2, 2023

Another Tragic Case: A Found Poem From My Angsty Youth

Let me preface this by saying -- I'm fine. Seriously. This is not a cry for help or anything, so relax! I'm just in a phase of listening to the pop/punk genre of my teenage and early college years and it has taken me back to all those feelings of the past. Unstable relationships being the foremost cause of my angst, I can't help but remember all the ups and downs of my emotions as I rocked out to these songs. And don't get me wrong -- it's not all bad. It's good music and it's fun and despite reminding me of unpleasant feelings, it's actually uplifting in a weird way. It reminds me of how far I've come. I wish I could go and tell my younger self that so much good is coming and one day you'll be in a strong marriage with beautiful children and be a kick-butt boss lady at work! I feel blessed to have the life I have now, but I'm also strangely grateful that I have experienced the rich dynamics of life. I mean, what fun is youth without the angst?! 

At any rate, while listening to these beloved songs from my past, snippets of lyrics kept popping out at me. First of all, music is poetry and even if you can't get behind the melodies or chord progressions or the tone of the singer's voice, there is something special in the lyrics if you pay attention! But I digress (again!). As I was noticing these lyrics, I started envisioning them scrambled up and resorted to tell a new (albeit similar, in most cases) tale. I pulled samples of lyrics from these songs and mashed them together to create a poem to reflect my feelings and circumstances when these songs were my jam. 

Turns out, this isn't just plagairism, which is great news for me! There is a type of poem called a Found Poem where you do just this -- make something new out of pieces of works that already exist. So, without further ado - I give you my found poem! The footnotes give credit to the source material. 

BONUS -- you can rock out to these songs and more with my Spotify playlist - Songs from my Angsty Youth. 









Monday, February 25, 2019

True Identity


What? I’m blogging again?! Looks like maybe, yes! To be perfectly honest, it’s nearly impossible to keep up with our regular day-to-day family updates when we stay as busy as we do, and I basically put everything on Facebook anyway. But I thought I would resurrect the blog for the purposes of sharing spiritual lessons that I learn along this journey of my full and crazy life! So, here we go!

Make a mean "shark face" if someone tries to put you down! :) 

A couple weeks ago, the four of us were sharing a meal at the table when Grayson started being silly and calling us different names and laughing. It was nothing mean, just silly things like calling Scott “popcorn.” He pointed to Adam and laughed and said, “You’re a donut!”

Adam has been speaking more and more clearly over the past year, but he definitely still has that sweet, garbled toddler speak. But in that moment, he mustered all his energy and clearly and passionately said, “I NOT a donut! I am Adam!” He was so serious, ya’ll.

Of course, we all laughed because it was adorable, but then I felt like in that moment God reminded me that we should all be that passionate about denouncing any false names or identities that come against us. I was created by God. I belong to Him. I am loved. I am precious. I am strong. I am capable of doing challenging things, through the power of the Holy Spirit. But how often in life do we find ourselves being called something we’re not? Whether it’s society telling you that you “should” be a certain way in order to be deemed acceptable, or if it’s your own thoughts telling you that you aren’t good enough – that you’re a bad mom or wife or friend, or if it’s the enemy mocking you and telling you lies, whatever it is – it is not true!

We need to be confident in who God called us to be so that we can boldly say “NO!” when we’re up against lies and can proudly shout our names and our identities in Christ.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Adam: 1 YEAR!

Well, I must have accidentally blinked because suddenly my littlest baby is already a year old! I realize I haven't properly documented his first year on here. Because the reality is -- life with 2 kiddos, working full time, being involved with church, and trying to find some time for quality time with Scott, cleaning the bathrooms, and sleeping as much as possible (which isn't always very much!)...is just a little consuming!

Little Adam -- my sweet, sweet baby-baby -- it does not mean that I love you any less. What is lacking here on the blog was hopefully justified by real-life snuggles, stories, songs, walks, and meals.

Dear Littlest,

Stay sweet, stay calm but curious, stay easy-going, and never stop dancing!! You may be quiet, but your eyes speak volumes -- I can tell when you're studying something, when you're frustrated, when you're excited, and when you are bursting with pure love. Those big, beautiful eyes! You have much more hair than your brother did at this age, which I love to lightly stroke while we're snuggling and laugh when I see it blowing in the breeze when you go for runs with Daddy. I know how much you love Grayson, and how you long to play with him! I appreciate your resilience when he's just a little too rough. And it melts my heart when you crawl to him and lay your head on him. I hope you will always be close friends, even if you both get a little hurt in the process sometimes! Thank you for rounding out our family and filling my heart! Thank you for willingly joining us for adventures and errands alike. And I know it's hard when things don't go the way you want them to. I understand your heartbreaking cry. Because it really does hurt when we don't get our way, when we lose something, when it's time to move on from something we love. Later in life you learn to control those big feelings, but sometimes I wonder if we all wouldn't benefit from crying big sloppy tears more often. So, go on. Share your feelings with me. I won't always be able to fix it, but I will always love you through it! Keep dancing and lifting your hands when the music moves you. Never let self-doubt get in the way of that natural response. I have a feeling you have a gift that involves music -- singing, dancing, or creating music in some way. I can't wait to see how that plays out! And my sweet, sweet baby, whatever you do, never forget that you are deeply loved! By me, by Daddy, by Grayson, by so many others in our family, and most importantly, by God. You are treasured. You are flawed but always loved. And nothing you can say or do will ever change that. 

Happy first birthday! 

Love, 
Mommy
December 2016



Christmas morning - 2016

January 2017

January 2017

January 2017

Feb. 2017

Feb. 2017

Feb. 2017

Feb. 2017

Feb. 2017

January 2017

Feb. 2017

Feb. 2017 - enjoying a Frosty

January 2017 - Oklahoma

January 2017 - first ride in an airplane! Going to Oklahoma!

Feb. 2017 - Opening Valentine's gift from Granna

9 month checkup!

First bath with Grayson


March 2017 - Gibb's Gardens

April 2017

April 2017

April 2017

April 2017

Easter 2017


Easter 2017

April 2017

April 2017

See? LOVES food!

Now, for the milestones/updates!

Mad Skills:

+ Crawling, pulling up, and cruising while holding onto furniture. He hasn't taken any independent steps yet, and won't stay up on his feet when I try to hold his hands, but I'm sure all that is just around the corner!

+ Babbling in more sentence-like sounds. Not saying many actual words yet. He can say "mama" and "dada" and "no-no." He tries to say things like "cah" (cat), "daw" (dog), "duh" (duck).

+ High-fives

+ Pointing

+ Eating! He loves food!

+ Going for runs with Daddy & Grayson

Favorites:

+ Movie: Moana

+ Song: "Hair Up" from Trolls

+ TV Show: Daniel Tiger

+ Book: Mr. Gumpy's Outing by John Burningham (according to school. We mostly read library books at home, so we don't keep them longer than a week or two.)

+ Toys: Sesame Street kitchen, play structure he can climb at school, stuffed Nala that he likes to hold onto in the car. 

+ Foods: black beans, banana oat pancakes, mandarin oranges, spaghetti, peaches, goldfish crackers, pouches, most foods that are given to him!

Loves:

+ Chasing the cats, playing with Grayson, snuggling, climbing, DANCING, eating, taking baths and playing in the water. He will happily let you pour water on his head! Mommy and Daddy, sleeping in our bed, his paci, his banana toothbrush, looking out the windows, being outside, going for walks.

Dislikes:

+ getting strapped into car seat, getting diaper or clothes changed, going to bed, being redirected when he's getting into something he shouldn't, having his face and hands cleaned.



Monday, March 13, 2017

The Cause of Ruin

This morning, after turning off my alarm and telling myself I was getting up, I promptly snuggled back in with the warm little body of 10 month old Adam and fell back asleep for another 10 minutes. Oops! I blame the time change. And general sleep deprivation.

So, running 10 minutes behind on my morning routine meant a quicker version of Bible study. I chose Proverbs because they are like little truth nuggets that you can chew on all day long, and I chose chapter 19 at complete random.

There were so many delectable nuggets in that chapter that I felt like I couldn't savor them enough! Do you ever feel that way about the Word? I mean, I should always feel that way, but let's be real.

I could write a post about nearly any verse from the chapter, but Prov 19:3 resonated with me the most. "A person's own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord."

Okay so first of all, I see this almost every day with college students. Not necessarily raging against the Lord, but blaming someone else for the consequences of their own mistakes. Just this morning I was met with an email from a student, demanding a refund for a class because he was displeased with his grade -- blaming the professor. Insert my eye roll here.

But I think on a larger scale we all do this. How many times has something gone wrong or not the way we had planned and we think WHY God?! How many times have we felt angry with God or abandoned by God for the results of our own mistakes? I'm not saying we deserve every bad thing that happens to us. Some things are just a result of a fallen world, where "we," as in creation itself, are experiencing the results of original sin. That can be hard to swallow because listen, I didn't tell Adam to eat that dang apple.

But are we maybe misplacing some blame onto God when we suffer? Are we feeling abandoned when we haven't done a thing to connect with God anyway? I mean, what do we expect? Actually, I would argue we get a LOT more than we deserve. God continues to reach out to us, even when we continually push him away or are indifferent to him. God continues to care for us, even when we are not thankful for all the many blessings we have...for our very BREATH!

So, next time you feel like lashing out, or the next time you find yourself frustrated with God... take a minute. Is God really to blame for your circumstances? Are you focusing on the negative when there is a lot of positive you could be thanking him for instead? Is there a lesson in this that maybe God is trying to teach you? Don't let your heart rage against the Lord when the cause of your ruin is your own folly.

Pray to Him instead. Ask for forgiveness. Ask for help. Ask for strength and peace. And thank Him for all the undeserving goodness in your life.

And I'll try to do the same. Even when I'm sleep deprived. :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Sermon Notes - 1.15.17

I'm a note taker at church, but sometimes my mind starts to wander and I lose interest. I think about what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. What we're making for dinner that night. How little sleep I got the night before. And suddenly I'm behind on my notes and have totally missed the point of the message. This past Sunday, I tried something new. Instead of writing standard notes, I wrote them in a sort of poem. Mostly rhyming couplets, which is kind of my thing, but my scheme wasn't really consistent. You would think it would be difficult to focus while trying to come up with a poetic way to jot down the points, but I actually found myself much more engaged with the message. I felt like the Spirit was moving through me as I wrote. I don't know if I'll always take notes like this, but it was pretty awesome! And I thought I would share with you all! These are the notes on Brandon Williams' message "Everyday Christian: Week 2" from Jan.15, 2017.


These are not edited or polished. This is how I wrote it in church.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Revelation - transformation - declaration.
Grace, thanks, service, praise.

Tired and tarnished, overworked
Trying to love with a heart that's broke.
Shiny finish over rust and sin,
through the struggles of life - so easily chipped.

Holiness does not exist
without the holiness of Him.
Only with God's love can our love be true.
The Holy Spirit who makes us new.

My old habits lie in wait.
So easy to return, retreat, or run--
but face The Cross and see the way.

One step at a time on that narrow path,
lifted up by He who took on God's wrath.

Let's lift and raise our hands and our friends
with reverent fear and love of Him.
Abba Father, good and kind
will also judge my heart and mind.

Jesus stands and holds my hand.

Gives His righteousness, perfection
and so this is my revelation.

Clean to unclean. Unclean to clean.
This the work Jesus did for me.
So, become a fisher of men.
Jesus tosses me, the net.

Declare the work of what's been done
by Christ the Lord, the Holy One.

Our sin and filth painfully revealed,
a necessary step to being healed.
This healing, transforming--such high a cost
Jesus slain to save the lost.

This Perfect Lamb was not surprised
to have to die for you and I.
This was the plan from the very start.
We were not an afterthought.

Baffled, doubtful, it's hard to believe,
but the resurrection is the key.
Peter, Paul, such sinful men,
then chose to die to honor Him?
And then there's James--also to Mary was born,
writes parts of the Bible, calls Jesus his Lord.

So many reasons it must be true--
strengthens this life that's been given anew.
My heart has been changed, my salvation secured
because of the death that He has endured.

But he rose again, resurrected, Alive.
And so such is true for both you and I.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Not So Long Ago....

As we are on the brink of a new year, I find myself thinking back on years past. Years not even that long in the past, and how different they were.

Not so long ago...

Scott and I recorded Hallmark channel reruns of "7th Heaven" on VHS tapes. We were a little behind the times on this, but TiVo was just coming on the scene, and we couldn't afford it. And when we suddenly had to work all day and couldn't get our mid-day fix of the Camden gang, we did what we had to do. Much of our "pre-marital counseling" could have come from us resolving fights about which tape we were on and who was to blame for recording over an episode we hadn't yet seen.


Not so long ago...

I was a freshman in college and proudly proclaiming that I didn't want contacts because I liked how I looked in glasses, and I refused to conform to society's standards (I also rocked a lot of Green Day). 6 months later, I got contacts. But I still like wearing glasses. :)


Not so long ago...

I would complain to Scott not to use his "stupid little iPod (Touch)" to look things up. Why use that tiny thing when we have a perfectly good computer you can use?!


Not so long ago...

Facebook was brand new and only for college students. I even had friends at other schools who couldn't access it because their college wasn't a "registered user" of Facebook. You could only load 5 pictures at a time, there was no Newsfeed, and all the statuses automatically started with "Christy Murphey is...." You couldn't tag people. If you wanted to say something to someone, you had to private message them or write on their "wall."

My first ever profile picture - 2005 (picture actually taken in 2004)

Not so long ago...

I insisted I had no desire to own a smart phone. All I would use it for is Facebook, and that's not a necessity. I was late to the smart phone party and didn't actually own one until 2014! While I still don't care about the latest technology or brands, I do value having the internet in my pocket. In fact, we don't even own a computer anymore!

Not so long ago...

Scott and I complained about how tired and busy we were...but we didn't have kids. I'm still confused about that one.

2009
Not so long ago...

Zoe Cat was the center of our attention at home. Sad, I know.
We have apx. 50 pictures of her playing on this thing that we proudly bought for her. Because we were loving cat parents..notice the past-tense.
Not so long ago...

Our Garmin GPS was legit. Now we're lucky if the maps are accurate enough to even recognize our destination. Half the time the satellites can't pick us up anyway.

 
Not so long ago...

Everyone kept CDs on their car visors. We actually still have our CDs in those cases...they just aren't on the visor anymore. In fact, I feel like we're some of the last people in the world who actually buy and listen to CDs.

Not so long ago...

Netflix was just a convenient way to rent movies without late charges. In fact, Scott and I had the Blockbuster version before we switched to Netflix. We liked it because we could get movies in the mail and then take them back to the store if we wanted something new immediately. Instant gratification before the option of streaming! Now we don't even have cable because of the streaming capabilities of Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime.

Not so long ago...

I was in London with my friend Erin, hearing stories about her younger brother who I should meet.

Not so long ago...

I was pursuing my lifelong dream of being a high school English teacher, while also battling ulcers, nausea, and morbid fantasies of getting into car accidents or falling down a flight of stairs so that I wouldn't have to go through with it. Cue career change!

Not so long ago...

We bought TV shows on DVD so we could binge watch them any time we wanted. Aside from keeping track of boxes of VHS tapes, this was the only way to do so.



Not so long ago...

I was a SOAR leader at Georgia Southern because I thought it looked fun and I cared about students' college experiences. I had no idea it was the first step in my future career working in student services in higher education.

Not so long ago...

# meant pound or number.

Not so long ago...

Grayson looked like this:
Just after turning 1!


Not so long ago...

I was a college student struggling with my faith. Wondering if I would rather be a Christian or have fun, as if the two are mutually exclusive.

Not so long ago...

I was lost and confused and empty of my own selfish desires and plans, sitting down to the book of Ephesians, and hearing from God in a brand new way. I learned that my efforts were not the key to salvation and a relationship with God. That JESUS is the one who makes all that possible. That getting to know Jesus, rather than modifying my behavior, was the only way to change my heart.

Not so long ago...

I married the love of my life and ventured into the unknown in a little Stadium Walk apartment with nothing more than our uncertain career plans, a below-poverty salary, our cat, and our love.


Not so long ago...

My heart grew another size as we welcomed our littlest into the world.


Not so long ago...

We started going to a little up-and-coming church called Connection that met in an old blue building behind the Burger King. Who knew just a few years later we would be a booming church with multiple campuses in our surrounding communities?!

Not so long ago...

I thought I would be the perfect parent. I knew all the absolute right answers and would execute them perfectly.

(I'll let you catch your breath from laughing before we continue...)

Not so long ago...

2017 sounded like a fake year that would never get here. 2017?? Yeah, okay! And yet here it is, just a couple weeks away! I'm sure in just a few years from now, I'll look back on 2016 and marvel at how much has changed in such little time. My boys will be older, my hair will be even grayer, and technology will be something totally unfathomable today. But I know for sure God will still be in control, Jesus will still be good and loving and will guide my heart, and Scott Curley will still be my favorite.


2017....bring it!

Pirate House in Savannah..we had to pose with Jake!

Date night for my 31st birthday

Adam's first football game

Merry Christmas!

Family time! Ready to tackle another year!!



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...