Does He Sleep Through the Night??

I think the #1 question I get as a parent of an infant is, "Does he sleep through the night?"

Napping on mommy (almost 2 months old)

Bed Sharing (this was after I was up for the day...so I was monitoring this blanket situation!)

As of this week, Grayson has been spending all night in his own bed. It's bitter sweet!

I get it. People who aren't parents don't know what to ask, but one thing they do know is that everyone says you don't get much sleep when you have a baby. So it makes sense to ask. And other parents have spent many a sleepless night feeding and rocking little ones, so they're curious if your life looks anything like theirs did. They may even want to offer support, encouragement, or advice.

But I have to tell you, it kind of drives me crazy. Why are we, as a culture, so obsessed with getting babies to sleep through the night? I'm guessing it's our own desire to get more sleep. But it's kind of unrealistic, isn't it?

Babies, especially newborns, have small stomachs. Fact. They have to eat often as a result. Fact. So, they must wake up throughout the night to do so. Fact. So, can we please allow them this right to nourishment without building resentment? I know we're all sleep deprived, but a baby's gotta eat!

I also think it's ironic all the conflicting rules, restrictions, and expectations we place on babies.

We want them to sleep alone, in their own rooms and beds. We want them to sleep on firm mattresses, only on their backs. We do not give them blankets, pillows, or anything soft and fluffy. We put them to bed hours before we go to bed. And then we want them to stay asleep all night long?

Even in my comfy bed with cozy blankets, my husband to help me feel safe and secure, and the freedom to roll, shift, and lay however I please...I still don't stay asleep all night long. I wake up to pee, check the time, move to a more comfortable position, get a sip of water, etc. The difference is, I know how to put myself back to sleep. Babies haven't mastered that just yet. They need some comfort, some soothing, or maybe a clean diaper and a little milk to quench the thirst or stave off hunger.

Now, don't get me wrong. I understand the reasons for the rules of baby sleep. I have done a lot of research on the best practices for avoiding SIDS and getting the most quality sleep for me and Grayson. I'm not condoning unsafe sleep arrangements. All I'm saying is...relax! I'm not perfect, and I often find myself wishing for a night of more extended sleep. But I try not to worry myself over it.  Yes, I provide structure and predictability with a bedtime routine and sleep conditions. But I never "expect" any given outcome. One night we might be up every 2 hours, another night he may only wake up once. I try to be easing going about it because, otherwise, I set myself up for frustration. 

I understand we are all dealing with different babies and different things work for different families. Maybe you choose to co-sleep or bed share. Maybe you are adamant about baby being in the crib from night one. Maybe you breastfeed or you use formula. Maybe your baby sleeps through the night, and maybe he never has and won't for a long time yet. 

Whatever the case, all I'm saying is...let's give ourselves and our babies a little grace and not rush sleeping through the night. There will be a day, though it may seem an eternity away, when our babies will be off, living on their own, and we will think back on those nights of snuggling and nursing and singing lullabies to our babes in the middle of the night. And we'll miss it.

So let's all just relax a little, and have another cup of coffee! :)