The Trouble with Self-Reliance

Self-reliance is a sneaky sin. It doesn't even sound like a sin. What's wrong with being able to take care of yourself? Isn't that a good thing? Well, yeah, to an extent. But for me, it's a slippery slope.

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One recent Saturday, Scott was helping someone in town move and I was home with the boys. I figured we would just hang out and watch movies until Daddy got home and then we would commence our usual Saturday activities -- grocery shopping and usually some fun outing like the library or park. But as we wrapped up our second episode of Wild Kratts, I determined that I was perfectly capable of accomplishing things on my own with the boys. Why wait for Scott?

I got all three of us ready and loaded into the car. We stopped at the recycling center. We went to the library to return our books and pick out some new ones. Then, I did the bravest of all acts. I pulled into Wal-Mart, plunked Grayson in a cart, strapped Adam to my chest and tackled grocery shopping!

Not taken that day, but it looked pretty similar!

We moved swiftly and efficiently through the store. We stopped by the bakery for a free cookie. Adam was content and Grayson excitedly talked my ear off as we discussed the items on the list and our plans to use them. We checked out without incident. The cashier called me "super mom." I was feeling pretty cocky at this point. I couldn't wait for Scott to get home so I could surprise him with all I accomplished. (side-note: I recognize that stay at home moms do this all the time and it's no big thing. My proverbial hat goes off to you, ladies!)

I pulled back into our garage, thinking through what I would make for Grayson's lunch and how I would soon be getting both boys down for a nap. I got out of the car, pulled the key out of the ignition, and suddenly realized... there are no house keys on my key ring. 

It turns out, my keys had fallen off the key ring at some point and I hadn't noticed. And there I was, in the 95 degree heat, two hungry and sleepy little boys, a trunk full of groceries, and no way to get into the house. Wasn't feeling too cocky anymore.

~~~ 

Of course, trying to tackle grocery shopping without Scott was not sinful. But it reminded me how easily our best efforts can be shattered by the unforeseeable circumstances of life. And the trouble with a self-reliant mindset is that it easily bleeds over into our views of God.

When things are going well, I feel in control. I take all the steps necessary for a healthy, happy life. Even the "Christian" things are within my control. Reading the Bible, serving, tithing, going to church? Check, check, check, check! It's all too easy to start to think I can do life without God. Not only life, but after life! If I can just keep doing all the right things, I'll earn my way to Heaven.

I may not ever voice this belief, but it's there, simmering just beneath the surface of my subconscious. But it's a lie. People are imperfect. I sure as heck am! I can't even ensure that I can get into my own house, much less Heaven!! But seriously, I could never be "good enough" to get into Heaven on my own efforts. No one could because we all fall short of the standard of perfection that is required. That's why Jesus's work on the cross is so important and worthy of praise.

And thinking we can do it without him is a real slap in the face to the sacrifice He made for us. I have to be mindful of these feelings so that I can surrender them and recognize my need for a savior. No matter how accomplished I may be in life, I never want to lose sight of God's grace. Relying on just myself will never be enough. I'm so thankful I have someone greater to rely on!