My Love Story With Scott Part 2

{Part 1}

I actually heard a lot about Scott before we ever met. As I mentioned in my London story, I spent five weeks in London with his sister Erin. Erin and I were both English majors with minors in writing, so we had several classes together. Each semester we got to know each other a little better, but it wasn’t until London that we became close friends. Nearly every day I talked Erin’s ear off about my romantic struggles. I had been with my boyfriend since I was 17 (though we were currently broken up), had been crushing on him since I was 11, and I tried desperately to ignore how crappy our overall relationship actually was. She tried to give me advice, and was a very good listener and a supportive friend the whole time.

One night, after a few pints at a pub nearby, Erin suggested that I just date her brother. I had heard her talk about her brother many times, but had never considered that we might date. To me he was just a name, Erin’s younger brother who I sometimes heard stories about. I laughed at her suggestion, but she insisted. She explained that we are so alike and have the exact same sense of humor. She said if we ever met we would flirt like crazy! I still didn’t take her suggestion seriously, but for the fun of it, I made her tell me more about him and show me lots of pictures of him on Facebook. It was an exciting idea, but I was afraid to give it much thought.

I had a bad habit of breaking guys’ hearts. Or maybe that’s giving me too much credit. Maybe I just had a habit of really pissing guys off. But there were a few other guys from the time I was 17 until I was 21 who I flirted with, spent time with, and some I actually even dated. And just when things would start to seem like they might work out, I would high tail it back to the other relationship and ditch whoever I had previously been spending time with. Sometimes I would try to stay friends with the guys, and sometimes I actually did (Chris Ahearn!!), but there were always scars. Damaged friendships. Tears. Frustrations. Hurt feelings. And I hated myself for it.

So the last thing I wanted to do was even play with the idea of dating Erin’s brother. What would happen when I ultimately broke his heart (or pissed him off!)? It would surely ruin my friendship with Erin. I couldn’t risk it. So I playfully considered it for that one night and then swept it under a rug, thinking that would keep the idea from popping up again later.

After returning from London, I immediately got back together with the boyfriend, just as I mentioned in the last post. And we made our promises to one another. Only a day later, Scott added me on Facebook and sent me a message, introducing himself and saying that Erin thought we should hang out. I broke the news to him, in an admittedly flirtatious way, by saying that much to Erin’s dismay we would not be able to get married because I had gotten back together with my boyfriend. [shows what I knew!] He wrote back a half-joking message of regret. 

St. Patty's Day 2008

We finally met one day when I was hanging out with Erin. She suggested I stay for dinner; we could eat at her fiance’s apartment. Turns out, her fiance lived with her brother. I admit I was curious about meeting him for the first time, after all the hype, and I later found out that Scott was absolutely frantic with anticipation as he prepared to finally meet me. Little did I know, my pictures and videos from London had already captured his interest. We had dinner at his apartment. He burnt the turkey burgers and asparagus, which I guess he was pretty embarrassed about. Honestly I was just impressed that he cooked at all. The night ended with him and Joe, Erin’s fiance, having a nerf gun battle in the livingroom. Not sure how that was supposed to woo me, but it somehow didn’t deter me either!

Time went on. I saw him on campus a couple times and said hey as we walked passed each other. That was all it was. Then one day I saw him pass by but didn’t say anything because he didn’t notice me. For some reason I decided to send him a message on Facebook telling him that I saw him. And so began days and days and DAYS of very long Facebook messages back and forth. What started as harmless flirting quickly evolved into full fledged love letters. It happened so fast I didn’t even realize how deep I had gotten until I was completely drowning in infatuation. 

Sept. 27, 2008 Our 1-year dating anniversary at a winery

Sept. 27, 2008 Our 1-year dating anniversary--camping! :)

After only a couple days of talking, I was on the phone with my best friend Hayley and I told her, “I think I like someone else.” The more I talked about it, I kept saying things like, “Well if I did break up with (boyfriend)...” And then I stopped myself and said, “Wait! Why am I saying that? Of course I’m not going to break up with him! Especially not for someone I just met!” And I kept telling myself that. How could I break up with him? I had never broken up with him for someone else. Besides, things were actually going relatively well for once. He was trying, genuinely trying, to be all I wanted him to be. He was even trying out churches with me, which was a big deal for him as a proclaimed atheist. Plus, I would only end up breaking Scott’s heart. I knew I would. I had done it to many guys. I couldn’t bear to do it again.

All I had ever wanted was my fairy tale story of falling in love with the boy across the street and living happily ever after. I wanted to have prom pictures hanging on the wall and have our guests ooh and aww over how cute we were being high school sweethearts. And we were comfortable. I didn’t have to worry about reading signs or acting a part. How could I ever start over from there? It was too much work, and I had too much to lose. On my own, with my own logic and plans, I would never, ever, have truly left him.

But God had different plans for me. My heart was changing and I could actually see my future morphing into a different picture. I could no longer look ahead and envision my future with my boyfriend. Suddenly, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. It was more than forbidden fruit. I had an instant connection with Scott unlike anything I had ever felt. He was charming and made me laugh which kept me coming back for more.. But more than that, I felt almost a magnetic pull towards him. I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t stop. We tried to stop the flirting. I tried to tell him I needed to take a breather and figure out what I really wanted. But neither of us could take it. We had to be together. We had to talk to each other. It almost hurt not to. And I wanted to see him, to be near him. 

Engagement Picture Dec. 2008

Dec. 2008

Honeymoon in Aruba
May 2009

It was a very difficult decision to break up with my boyfriend. Yes, I had broken up with him before, but never for someone else. Never for something so final and so hurtful. I prayed like crazy. I was hoping God would take away my feelings for Scott, just to keep it simple and to keep anyone from being hurt. But I was in too deep. Someone would be hurt no matter what I did. I was miserable and sick trying to figure out what to do, whose heart to break.

Ending that relationship was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. And I couldn’t even go enjoy being with Scott right away. I had to mourn. I mourned a lost relationship and a dream dissolved. I mourned the loss of a childhood friendship, and I mourned for the one whose heart I ended up breaking. I received mixed responses to my decision. Many were shocked, many were disappointed, and some were very glad and supportive. I couldn’t make them understand how I was a different person than I was only months earlier. But I was. I wanted different things from life, and I had a newfound confidence to defy boundaries and the confines of my own dreams. Sure there was romance and infatuation that moved this relationship along, but I believe with all my heart that God was behind it all. He orchestrated all these events and gave me the strength to do what I knew I should and what I really wanted. I was afraid at first that I would end up returning to the old boyfriend and breaking Scott’s heart, but I can honestly say that I have had zero desire to do anything but spend my entire life with Scott since the moment I let myself consider it. He is my favorite blessing, and has led me to believe that God’s plans are ALWAYS better than your own. Trust me. :)

And to top it all off, and to show how completely my heart was changed...my fear of marriage was no longer an issue. I had no doubts about marrying Scott. I did not need to wait until I had my own job and money and house. I trust him with my whole life. And we don't fight. Sure we disagree from time to time, but we don't fight. Our relationship looks nothing like any of the ones I had previously looked to for the definition of marriage. And I married him with complete certainty and overwhelming joy. 3 years and counting...the joy keeps on coming! :)

{God Choices: GSU} {God Choices: SOAR Leader} {God Choices: London}