Honored

A lot of things about motherhood have surprised me. I do, say, and feel things that I never expected. I think one of the biggest surprises has been how it feels to be chosen by God to raise Grayson.

I never expected to feel so honored. One Sunday at church, when I was pregnant with Grayson, I looked over during worship and saw a group of college guys. They were singing and lifting their hands in praise. I was suddenly overcome with the beauty and power of this.

You may disagree, but I think it's harder to raise Godly men than women. (Though I realize there are challenges for both!) I think there is a lot of pressure from the world for guys to be and act a certain way. They are expected to be tougher and stronger than women. They are expected to not show as much emotion. They seem to be expected to care less, in general. But to be Godly, to embody the characteristics of Christ and to genuinely worship Him, you have to be willing to be vulnerable, emotional, and loving. I think it's easier for girls to act in this way without being scrutinized. Young men may face extra pressures from their friends to act a certain way, and may be more hesitant to fully submit to God. Because society doesn't teach men to submit.

I have been tasked with the biggest responsibility of my life. To raise this little boy to live for God. This starts with meeting his basic needs to survive, and reaches all the way to teaching him who Jesus is, showing him how to worship God, showing him how to love others, providing a nurturing environment for him to feel safe and secure while he gets to know Jesus personally, and instilling a value system that will guide him in living according to God's word.

Wow. That is a huge responsibility! To be honest, when I first thought about having kids, I didn't realize the magnitude of that role. That day in church, when I realized just how much God was entrusting in me, I couldn't help but cry.

Everyone knows babies are a blessing and a gift. This is true. I think of Grayson as a special gift from God, and I thank Him every day for allowing me to be his mommy. But I think more than just a blessing, parenthood is a calling to a challenging and important ministry.

I am beyond honored that God would call me to minister to this little boy -- to love him, care for him, and instruct him. The calling is too great and too difficult to do on my own. I have to lean on God daily to be able to do it. And I still mess up. I'm not a perfect mom. I make mistakes, and I have a million more mistakes I've yet to make. I am thankful God gives me grace, comfort, strength, wisdom, and guidance to be the mom he wants me to be. I could not do it without Him in my life. I'm also beyond thankful for Scott. God has brought us together to serve Him and grow His kingdom as a team. And a large part of that is raising our children. Grayson needs Scott as his example of a Godly man. A big responsibility, indeed!

I hope I never forget how I felt that day in church, overwhelmed with the implications of the identity God had called me to as a mother. I have a big job ahead of me, and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to live that out!