Desperate

Sometimes I just feel desperate for Jesus to come back.

I look at this crazy, fallen world

and my heart longs for all the cruelty, evil, and suffering to end.

I don't think this is a commonly expressed thought. 

Jesus coming back would mean the end of this existence.

And don't get me wrong, I love life! 

I love my family.

I love my job.

I love my friends.

I love the beauty of creation.

I love that God gives us the grace to enjoy His blessings, 

even though we don't deserve them.

But if I truly believe what I do about God and Heaven,

then I have to believe that whatever comes after this,

while I may not be able to fathom it now, 

will be infinitely better than this life.

 Yes, I want to enjoy many more years of happiness with my husband.

Yes, I want to see Grayson grow up into a man who loves the Lord.

Yes, I want to know my grandchildren.

No, I don't usually feel ready to give all that up.

But I know deep down that what I would be giving up 

would all be worth it to live in the presence of God.

Despite the conflicting feelings stemming from my limited

human perspective,

there are days I feel overwhelmed with the desire for justice

and the end of worldly pain.

My heart breaks almost daily

as stories, pictures, videos, and updates of horrific

suffering and prolific sin

flood my world.

A video on my Facebook newsfeed 

of a mother beating her baby with a pillow

A photo of a beautiful baby who died of cancer

A blog post about a baby born with a birth defect 

that prevents him from living more than a few hours.

A news article about a baby found dead in his carseat

after his drug addicted parents forgot him for days.

Babies are suffering. 

Babies!

I want that to end. 

Desperately.

A friend who had a stillbirth

A mom and wife who discovered she has breast cancer

A family who lost their last source of income

A husband who is estimated to have only a few months left to live

Marriages ending

Children facing the consequences of their parents' divorce

Husbands who beat their wives

Parents who abuse or neglect their children

Families who are all but starving

Families on the street.

Families are suffering.

I want that to end. 

Desperately.

No matter how lovely my life is

and how much I'm enjoying living it

There is too much pain in this world 

for me to not be desperate 

for Jesus to come back.

Every knee shall bow.

Evil will be sentenced to death.

And all who suffer will be forever comforted and strengthened

in the presence of the Lord.

(Matthew 5: 3-10)

How can I not be desperate for that?