Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Un-Friend

Hello, loyal readers.

I would like some feedback on this post, if you don't mind. I'm honestly interested in your opinions on this matter.

Should I be offended or take it personally if someone "unfriends" me on Facebook?


I realize some people like to weed out their friend list and keep them at a nice, clean, low number that actually reflects the number of true friends that they have. Personally, I would never have the time nor energy to successfully thin out my friend list. Even if I did, I would probably only unfriend people who I either have completely forgotten, or people I added back when FB was new and I was adding anyone I'd ever met. For instance, I'm "friends" with all the students who were in my GSU 1210 class that I was a Peer Leader for. I was never friends with them, but FB was only about a year old, so I added them all. I added just about everyone I lived in the dorms with. That's a lot of  people, most of who I never see or talk to anymore. And there are a handful of people who I may have met at a party or in a class, and don't even remember at all anymore. Those people I would unfriend, knowing that they probably don't care and wouldn't even notice. And I'm pretty sure, if any of those people unfriended me, I wouldn't notice or care either.

I bring this up because today I realized I hadn't seen any comments from a particular person who used to pop up on my newsfeed a lot. I went to check out his profile, and realized we were no longer FB friends and his content was blocked. (And pls don't ask who it is. I'm pretty certain none of my followers know him anyway, but I don't think it's relevant to my question) Anyway, I was surprised because, though we were never super close, we used to hang out a lot because we had mutual friends, and I would have consider him a friend as well. We haven't talked much since he moved, and if I am being honest I guess we aren't really friends anymore in the real world sense. So, it doesn't really matter. I mean, if we weren't really friends then what difference does it make that we aren't FB friends? I guess what bothers me is that he would have to take the time and effort to specifically unfriend me. That seems like more than mere indifference, but a pointed choice to disassociate with me.

I racked my brain trying to figure out why this might happen. Had I really become so insignificant that I somehow didn't make the cut during a "spring cleaning" of his FB friends? Or was this a diliberate unfriending of me personally? The only thing I can come up with is our difference in spiritual beliefs. He used to be a Christian, or at least he attended church regularly. But in the past year or so, his statuses had become more and more intolerant of religion and Christianity. Apparently he is now a fully proclaimed Atheist. It doesn't offend me that he's an atheist. I know lots of atheists. It makes me sad for him, but not angry. But sometimes his statuses are sarcastic and hateful towards Christians, and that was offensive. But I never said anything about it. If it got too out of hand, I could always just block him from my newsfeed like I have with others who constantly curse or write about partying. It's not that I don't want to be friends with them, I just don't want to read that stuff everyday. Well maybe my sprititual beliefs and comments have offended him so much that he felt the need to completely unfriend me. We did have one small disagreement on FB, though I would hardly call it an argument. I wrote something as a general status update about God. He asked me a question, implying I was wrong. And I answered him, explaining what I meant. Then I quoted some scripture. Yes, my response was passionate, but I don't think I was attacking him in any way. And he never responded. This is the last "conversation" I remember having with him. I can't recall for sure, but I'm thinking I haven't seen any of his comments since that time. I'm wondering if my comment angered him enough to unfriend me.

So what are your thoughts on the matter? Do you unfriend people on FB? Should I even be thinking about this so much? (I'm pretty sure that's a big NO!) Have you ever been unfriended and confused by it?

Thanks for your thoughts and stories! I'm not really upset about this, per se, but I'm confused and surprised. No, it's not that big a deal, but since everyone knows it's not official until it's "Facebook Official," I'm wondering if unfriending is a statement that means our friendship is officially over! Not just that we've drifted apart, but that it must end now and forever. Dramatic? Yes. Unrealistic? Idk...

Thanks again, friends! :)
~Christy

2 comments:

  1. Hi Christy! I've wondered about this, too, and I don't think you should take it personally. It seems like, even though you did share friends with this person, his only real connection to you was through them and through your mutual faith. Once he moved away and no longer spent time with you, that was one connection lost. And once he began to question and, ultimately, lose his faith in God, he lost his last connection to you, as well...at least that's what it appears he believed. Pray for his heart and don't let this get you down!

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  2. I've just been 'un-friended' for the first time today and it's not pleasant!! I only have close friends (I thought) on my list and I did have a strong word with one last night and today - poof! Gone. Funnily enough, I might have understood it from a 19 year old friend I had a barney with awhile ago, but from someone 50+ who is 20 years my senior? Un-friending someone is quite a definite statement to make, I think. It kind of implies that there is no way back for the friendship - usually people can fall out with each other and discuss and talk through disagreements, but after being 'unfriended' it makes it a big swallow of pride to approach the other person to sort things out! It's also a bit tricky if you're a Christian and can't take communion until you've 'made peace with your neighbour with whom you've fallen out'!

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