How to Survive Life with Cats

Day 2 of the May Blogger Challenge is to educate you all on something I know a lot about. 

Well, one thing is for sure...I know a lot about cats. Particularly how to survive living with them. It's an important skill to be sure! 

We have two cats. Zoe Cat (who will be 8 this year) and Gus (who will be 2).

 We love them. They are fun, funny, and sometimes even loving. 

But having two cats is not for the faint of heart. 

We have to be fully equipped with ways to protect ourselves, maintain a level of dominance, and ultimately survive life with cats. 

I know we are not the only ones living in this situation. So, I have prepared these few notes to help those who may be struggling to survive, just like us!

Meet Zoe

Meet Gus

+ Keep them happy with food. Lots and lots of food. Never let the food run out! Not only are they happier, but they’re slower to attack when they’re fat.

Notice both the tub and GIANT bag of cat food behind him!

+ Make sure you assert your dominance in some demeaning way at least once a month. We choose to do this by catching them, holding them tightly, squirting them with flea poison, and then clipping away their most powerful weapon (claws).

Forced snuggles!! (My hair is gray b/c it was Halloween and I was dressed as Rogue from X-Men earlier that night)

+ Let them enjoy some scenery with plenty of window views and keeping everything but the screen door open. This is really enjoyable for cats. But make sure they see you freely go in and out of the door multiple times while they must stay inside, again to remind them of your dominance.

Zoe Cat...looking longingly at a lizard she cannot reach

+ Always keep plenty of toys and scratching posts around for them to take out their frustrations on something other than you. If you really want them to expend their negative energy, dip a toy in cat nip and let them go nuts attacking it for a good half hour. They won’t be interested in attacking you for a while.

+ Keep small cat replicas around to make them think you have the power to shrink them and turn them to stone. 

+ Have several soft, fluffy blankets in each room. These have a way of putting cats into a trance where all they want to do is knead the blanket and take a nap.

+ If you share a bed with your kitty, make sure you move slowly and carefully during the night. Unfortunately you have already put yourself in a vulnerable state and now you are at their mercy. If they have you pinned, don’t move. No matter how cramped your legs may feel. If you need to change positions, do so around the cat. Lift your legs up and over, or scoot to the very edge of the bed. Always avoid disturbing the cats. A quick attack to your feet is too easy to not be cautious!

This rule also applies to napping!

+ Keep the litter box clean! Otherwise they will retaliate by pooping in your shower or peeing in your bed.

+ Never leave them alone for an extended period of time...

The damage when we got back from visiting family for a week and a half over Christmas/New Years in 2010
(yes, someone was supposed to be checking on them!!)

+ Tell them how cute and precious and sweet they are…even when they are giving you the death stare. It’s humiliating for them and shows that you are not afraid.

How precious!

+ Make sure they always wear a collar with a bell. This eliminates many sneak-attack possibilities and keeps them domesticated. Once the collar comes off, they start going rogue.

+ Don’t be fooled. Cats are tricky. You may think they are being sweet and cuddly when, in fact, they’re just cold and are seeking warmth. Or, perhaps they really are sweet and cuddly (it does happen!), BUT it does not mean they are good cats! Our cat Gus is the sweetest thing ever, but he is just as capable of making trouble as the far less snuggly Zoe Cat. So enjoy the snuggles, but don’t let your guard down!

+ If you can, put them in humiliating clothes...

So angry...probably b/c it didn't fit... :(

+ And perhaps most importantly, do not let them outnumber you! We have an even two-against-two system going on in our house and it just wasn’t secure enough. That’s why we are having a baby! We need someone else on our side!

Please contribute to the cause and post your own survival tips in the comments below! We have to rally together to save ourselves!